Hi, I’m Jacob (not my real name, though appropriate) and I’m a sex addict. I’ve been “sober” for something approaching five months.
Wait … did you just judge me? I think you did. Actually, I’m certain that you did. I haven’t even posted this and you are already judging me. Just because I said I was a sex addict.
Had I told you I was an alcoholic, you would have thought: “how sad … at least there’s hope for him”. If I’d said I was a heroin addict, you’d probably want to help me. If I was a nicotine addict (which I used to be), you’d tell me to buy some Nicorette gum and quit.
But because I told you I’m a sex addict, you think I’m a pervert, a pedophile, a rapist, a flasher or something else horrible and disgusting.
To set the record straight, I’ve done nothing illegal. I’ve never abused anyone. I’ve never touched a child inappropriately. I’ve never been sexual with anyone of the opposite sex.
No, my thing is pornography. A purely private problem. A victimless crime, one might say. Yet, a victimless crime that leaves thousands of victims in its wake – many who will never know they were victims.
Lest you picture me as a ragged, homeless alley-dweller, let me tell you this much about myself.
I’ve been married to my wife, Amy (not her real name), for several decades. We raised a houseful of brilliant kids. I’m a C-level executive with decades of service at a multi-billion dollar company. I’m a Christian (there you go judging again). I’ve taught Bible class, led worship and been a leader in my local church. All while living a secret, compartmentalized life as a sex addict, immersed in a world of pornographic imagery.
I recently “hit bottom”, was “outed” or “discovered”, and “came clean” with Amy. Much more about that in future posts.
I’ve begun a 12-step program for those with the same addiction. I have individual therapy every other week with a therapist trained in treating sexual addiction. I participate in group therapy with eight other guys once a week. Amy and I have started couple’s therapy.
In short, I’ve begun working on recovery. I’ve much to learn but already have much to share. That’s why I’ve started this blog. I already feel liberated, though working through this with Amy is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I promise not to share graphic details, as that would be counterproductive in many ways. So, if you were looking for stimulation, you’ll need to go elsewhere.
But if you are looking for one man’s journey from addiction to wholeness – most likely with many ups and downs – this may be for you.
I hope to see you again soon.
Jacob The Addict (jacobtheaddict@gmail.com)
Jacob The Addict 