Hi, my name is Jacob (not my real name) and I’m a grateful, recovering sex and love addict. I’ve been sober for three years, four months and 14 days.
It’s been over a year since I’ve posted anything here. Things have been incredibly busy, with so much going on that I just haven’t found time to share.
My wife, Amy (not her real name) has been digging deep and unpacking a lot of trauma that I’ve caused her over our many years of marriage. I’m very proud of her for her hard work, but going through the conflict that I avoided all those years really sucks. More on that in a separate post.
At worship last Sunday, one of my brothers shared a devotional thought before communion that really moved me. He is a counselor and shared from his experience working with traumatized people.
Trauma leaves people to deal with three things, he said.
- The trauma itself,
- One’s feelings about the trauma (if one can dig deep enough to find them), and
- The trauma messages (or narratives) that get coded into one’s thinking.
He said that last one is the hardest to deal with because the narratives sre deeply embedded. They includes“I am” statements such as:
- “I am worthless”
- “I am ashamed”
- “I am damaged”
- “I am hopeless”
- “I am less than”
- “I am a failure”
- “I am unloved”
- “I am trapped”
- “I am numb”
- “I am alone”
- “I am lost”
He went on to say that when we allow God into our trauma, He will replace the trauma narratives with His narrative – if we allow Him to.
As the Great I AM, He is able to replace any and all of my “I am” narratives with His far superior “I am” narratives. His narratives for me include statements like:
- “I am loved!”
- “I am forgiven!”
- “I am redeemed!”
- “I am clean!”
- “I am found!”
- “I am free!”
- “I am a new creation!”
- “I am His!”
- “I am enough!”
I’ll confess that when started recovery just over three years ago, I thought I was stuck with my narratives because they were my narratives. Little did I know or understand that by allowing God in and surrendering control of my narratives He would replace them with His.
I’m still far from perfect here, but making significant progress. His narratives fun through my head far more often these days than my old, trauma narratives.
Just another case of “Let go and let God” in action.
If you have questions or just want to know more about how this worked for me, you can reach me at jacobtheaddict@gmail.com.
Thanks for reading.
Blessings, Jacob The Addict (jacobtheaddict@gmail.com)
Jacob The Addict 