Hi, I’m Jacob, still a grateful, recovering sex and love addict.
The following is a collection of nuggets from the collective wisdom of my brothers in my Twelve-Step Program.
On Hitting Bottom
I’m sick and tired of tired and sick.
When you find yourself at the bottom of a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
I’m not a horrible person; I’ve done bad things.
Had the shit not hit the fan, I probably could have made it to death as an un-well person.
Every bottom has a trap door.
When I’m in my addiction, I break out in handcuffs.
My best thinking got me here.
On Dealing with Temptation
Horniness = Loneliness (i.e. when you are horny, you are probably needing non-sexual human interaction)
Are you an exhibitionist? If not, then go outside. You won’t act out there.
How do you think you’ll feel seven seconds after ejaculation?
It takes a man to run away from trouble.
On Meetings
If the Almighty Himself were to send me a certified letter, saying that I would never again be tempted to act out, I would still go to meetings.
I don’t have to attend meetings; I get to attend meetings.
Meetings are the only place where I am fully known.
Same party, different hats. (i.e. where we end up with our additions may differ, but we’re all in the same place).
[At my first meeting,] I heard my story on other people’s lips.
On The Continuing Struggle
If you put anything between yourself and your recovery, you will lose that and recovery, too.
When you are feeling good about your recovery, your addict is in the parking lot doing push-ups.
If my answer to any problem is for someone else to change, I am barking up the wrong tree.
Wife: “Are you still experiencing temptation?” Addict: “You need to start worrying about me if I tell you I don’t.”
I’m still breathing, so my sobriety is still threatened.
The wolf that you feed wins. (i.e. there are two wolves inside you that are fighting: the rational you and the addict you)
That gorilla [your addiction] don’t play! (i.e. your addiction doesn’t want to play with you; it wants to destroy you)
Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.
Acting out is dynamite. Fantasy is the fuse.
There is no situation so bad that I can’t make it worse by acting out.
You can’t fix self with self.
The truth will set you free. But first, it tends to make you miserable.
I need to turn loose of the steering wheel and let God have it. I usually do that two seconds before impact.
Pain demands to be felt.
On Spouses/Partners
Our spouses need grace while they grieve.
You have your lane, and your spouse has her lane. There’s a stripe between the two lanes, but there needs to be a thirty-foot wall. STAY IN YOUR LANE.
You work your recovery. Your spouse gets to work hers in her own way and in her own time.
On Moving Forward with Recovery
Just do the next right thing.
Pain is our teacher. We no longer run from it; we lean into it.
You’re a grown-ass man; it’s time you start acting like it.
If not now, when?
I’m not responsible for others’ feelings or bad choices, but I’m 100% responsible for mine.
Make choices based on your value system, not on your immediate needs or desires.
The little boy inside you needs to be welcome in the car, but only as a passenger; he doesn’t get to drive.
You can’t think your way into a new way of acting, but you can act your way into a new way of thinking.
[Recovery takes] commitment over emotions.
On My Relationship with God
God loves me because of Who He Is, not because of who I am or am not, or what I do or don’t do.
God created me, so I have worth.
I know what God can do – if I decide to turn things over to him.
“I know what you think, so go ahead and say it so I can prove you wrong.” GOD
We swim in an ocean of mercy.
Others?
If you have “nuggets” of wisdom that have made an impact on you, please share them and they may end up here.
Jacob the Addict (jacobtheaddict@gmail.com)
Jacob The Addict 