OK, I’m Finally There

Hi, I’m Jacob, a grateful, recovering sex addict. My sobriety date is unchanged since my very first post.

I’m hoping this is the last time I’ll write about getting to powerless. But I need to share my final inventory with you. Or, perhaps better said, the case I’ve been building against myself.

And here it is. The list of things I’m powerless over.

• The dysfunction in my family of origin.
• The addictions and abuses of other members of my extended family.
• The codependency I developed with my Mother.
• The pain caused by my Dad’s emotional absence.
• The hurt I carried away from my home life.
• The feeling that I’m “less than” … less than just about everything.
• The drive to prove myself over and over and over again.
• The addiction I turned to to numb the pain I’ve felt for so very long.
• The constant acting out, swearing to myself and to God that I’d never do it again, then returning to that behavior in short order.
• The long list of broken, dysfunctional relationships I had before I met Amy.
• The hurt and betrayal that I’ve caused my dear wife, Amy,
• The harm that I’ve caused to others who were objects of my addiction or were victims of collateral damage.
• The emotional harm I’ve caused my kids by my failure to be present in their lives.
• The numbness I feel from day to day.
• The anger and rage that lies buried deep inside.
• Sin.

And then, there’s the acceptance that my life is unmanageable. Here are a few clues that might be the case.

• I lost touch with my God; how long ago, I cannot say.
• I lost touch with Amy, my soulmate, a long time ago.
• I lost touch with my adult children.
• I lost touch with the few friends I have.
• I all but lost touch with my siblings.
• I lost touch with my church family.
• I let this addiction take over my soul, reaching the point that I don’t care what might happen.
• The only thing I never really let get out of control is my work, and the fact that is true proves I’m messed up.

So, that’s the case Jacob the Sane presents against Jacob the Addict.

The prosecution rests its case, feeling it has proved, beyond a reasonable doubt, that Jacob the Addict is powerless and is living a life that is unmanageable.

Men and women of the jury, what say ye?

Jacob The Addict (jacobtheaddict@gmail.com)